


The Art of War

by b_blueberry



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Happy Ending, M/M, Modern Royalty, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-05
Updated: 2014-09-25
Packaged: 2018-02-16 06:51:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2260032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/b_blueberry/pseuds/b_blueberry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All is fair in love and war.</p><p>Sun Tzu said: The art of war is of vital importance to the State.<br/>It is a matter of life and death, a road either to safety or to ruin. Hence it is a subject of inquiry which can on no account be neglected.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Hero Within

**Author's Note:**

> Modern AU - Thorin is a prince and lies to his parents about certain trips he makes every month and when confronted about it the first thing that comes to his mind is his childhood ‘friend’ Bilbo. To say they hate each other might be going a bit too far, but they certainly don’t like one another. Their differences keep pushing them apart. So the question is: will they be able to overcome the differences between them and become the perfect couple in the eyes of the public - after all, all warfare is based on deception.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sun Tzu said: All warfare is based on deception.

Bilbo wasn't happy. He was angry, he was annoyed and he didn't want to do it. Why should he? They were never _friends_ \- one could easily say they hated each other. Or at least Bilbo did, from the bottom of his heart. And now they were invited to dinner! Not just him, but his parents as well. Outrageous. He wouldn't go. He convinced himself he wouldn't go. His parents could go, he didn't mind, but he - he wouldn't be setting a foot in that house. Not after what happened the last time he did.

They were childhood friends, if you could call them that, though Bilbo would never say they were friends. They were children who were forced to spend days together because their parents knew each other. They were from different worlds. Bilbo was used to the rolling hills of the Shire while the other lived in a capital. He was a prince, a future King as a matter of fact. Not that it mattered, because it really didn't. They didn't get along and the prince's friends and siblings were a nightmare.

Bilbo was lucky to avoid them for the last few years, focusing on finishing his school and using every possible excuse to avoid family vacation. But this year he had no choice. He returned home because he needed to do some research for his thesis and his parents practically forced him to join them on their vacation. The Baggins family always vacationed in the Blue Mountains. It wasn't far from home and the nature was beautiful. They always rented the same house near the lake, which was, unfortunately, only a mile away from the Durin vacation house. It was the biggest house in that area, no surprise really when it was owned by the King of Erebor.

That was the only thing they still had in common: going on a vacation at the same time of the year and always in the same place. And Bilbo knew that returning back to the Blue Mountains this year wouldn't bring anything good.

:::

Thorin knew he shouldn't have lied. Mainly because it was wrong, but mostly because when you lie, the truth won't take long to find you. And boy, this time the truth would come quickly. The truth was that he didn't have much of a choice, that's why he made that little, innocent lie about it. It'd been, what? Almost seven years since he last saw Bilbo in the Blue Mountains and his childhood _friend_ most likely wouldn't be making an appearance this year. His parents were always saying how focused he was on his school and how well he did, and Thorin fought very hard not to roll his eyes every time he heard about it.

He… needed a break. All those duties that his father put on him were exhausting and he needed some time to relax. That's why he and Dwalin visited the Iron Hills every few weeks. They both blended in easily and they enjoyed a few days of partying and gambling before returning back home. Of course after a few months things became suspicious so when Thorin's father demanded an explanation, Thorin was forced to lie. The old man wasn't a fool and knew very well why most of his son's generation went to the Iron Hills. It was a place to party, get drunk, gamble and do a lot of other inappropriate things that Thráin didn't want to see the next morning in the papers, especially not with his son on the front cover. Luckily that hadn't happened, yet, but Thráin wasn't taking any chances and demanded answers.

Later, Thorin regretted lying to his father. Yes, telling him he was visiting someone was a bad idea because his mother heard - she was eavesdropping, and she always did that, and Thorin knew she only meant well but he was twenty-seven years old for crying out loud; and she assumed he was visiting someone he fancied. Thorin immediately defended himself that the person he was _seeing_ wasn't quite ready to meet his parents and be introduced as his partner to the public. That only satisfied his mother's curiosity for a couple of minutes before she wanted to know the name.

And the first name that came to Thorin's mind was Bilbo.

It was later in his room when he wanted to bang his head against the wall that he finally realized that saying he was seeing Bilbo was a _very_ bad idea. And how right he was! In the next few days his mother _secretly_ called Bilbo's mother to share her excitement that they would be family soon. Thorin wanted to die. Dwalin and Frerin only laughed at him and Dís told him 'I told you you'd get caught', before he slammed the doors in her face. All the information that he got from Balin was that his and Bilbo's mothers decided to pretend to know nothing about their sons dating and Thorin was fine with that. He was given a few weeks to _break up_ with Bilbo without breaking his mother's heart.

But he forgot about one little detail. They were going to the Blue Mountains in a few days.

:::

Oh yes, Thorin was having the time of his life. He had just found out from Dís that the Baggins family had been invited over for dinner, before Frerin pushed her fully-clothed into the pool. It was all fun and games watching his sister storm angrily back to the house while he, Frerin and Dwalin were laughing at her. But she was right when she told him he was in _big_ trouble. They all knew what had happened the last time they saw Bilbo and Dís happily reminded him that there was no way Bilbo would help him. Dwalin, his best friend, offered to help with whatever the plan was, while Frerin promised no such thing. As a middle child he always got away with everything and when deciding between helping his brother or watching him royally screw up he decided for the latter.

The plan was? The plan was to beg - well, not really beg, just ask Bilbo to understand the situation – they were both adults abd what happened between them was in the past. Surely Bilbo was reasonable enough to help him. At least that's what Thorin thought as he finished buttoning up his shirt. It was formal, but not too formal for this dinner.

"Thorin," Dís called as she knocked on his door, "they're here."

"A moment," he answered. One last check in the mirror before he opened the doors where Dís was waiting for him. His sister really was a beauty. Whoever got her heart would be a very lucky man, he though as he offered her his hand and took her downstairs.

Everyone was waiting for them and Thorin allowed Dís to greet Bilbo's family first and he followed. Bilbo's parents were obviously very happy to see him and Belladonna was almost glowing with happiness when he hugged her and welcomed her.

Everyone was happy, except Bilbo. If only looks could kill.

"We need to talk," he told him plainly, leaving no room for argument. They didn't hug, kiss or shake hands, they just stood there and stared at each other knowing that everyone was watching them, before Bilbo spoke.

"Bilbo!" Belladonna scolded, shocked how rudely her son behaved.

"It's okay," Freya intervened. "They're both surprised to see each other," she smiled. "I bet they didn't expect this to happen. We should give them some privacy, I'm sure they won't take long." She directed her guests to the dining room but not before sending a meaningful glare to her son which told him to fix whatever was wrong between him and Bilbo.

"If you please," Thorin motioned to the study room and Bilbo went there without saying a word. Even after not being in this house for several years he still knew it very well. He waited for Thorin to close the doors behind them, grateful that the room they were now in was soundproof.

"Will you please explain to me why _my_ mother thinks we're dating?!"

"Can you keep it down a bit?" Thorin asked, trying to calm Bilbo down.

"Not really!" Bilbo took a few deep breaths to calm himself, not once taking his eyes off Thorin. The bastard had lied and now _he_ would have to pay for his lie. "You told your parents we're dating?! What's wrong with you?!"

"I didn't tell them we're dating, my mother misunderstood," Thorin defended.

"Oh, really? She misunderstood? Then please explain to me what exactly did you tell her?!"

Thorin rolled his eyes at Bilbo's constant accusatory tone. "I told her I was seeing someone-"

"And she assumed it was me?"

"Not exactly…" Bilbo continued to stand there with his arms crossed over his chest. Thorin sighed in desperation, "I told her it was you." Bilbo wanted to scream. "I never thought things would get this far, I was planning to break up with you."

"And when exactly would that happen, Thorin, huh?"

"In a few weeks. I'm sorry, okay? I completely forgot about this stupid vacation and when I remembered I was sure you weren't coming. So this is your fault."

"My fault?! How is this my fault?! You decided to lie!"

"I needed an excuse and you were the first thing that came to my mind."

"Lucky me."

"Get over yourself! Yes, I lied! What's done it's done."

"If you think," Bilbo seethed, "that I will help you with whatever game you're playing, you're _wrong_. If you don't tell your parents the truth, I will."

"You're a drama queen, aren't you? Always making such a big deal out of everything! All you have to do is smile through the dinner and then we won't have to see each other ever again. In a few weeks I'll tell my parents we broke up and you can do the same. Problem solved and no one gets hurt."

"I'm not helping you! Not with this, not with anything!"

"It's just dinner," Thorin pointed out. "The crown won't fall off your head."

"No, but it will fall from yours," Bilbo answered back. "I'm not helping. Ever."

It took Thorin a few moments to understand. "Oh, please. Don't tell me you're still upset about what happened? Can't you just forget about it?"

"I almost drowned!" yelled Bilbo back. "I almost drowned after you pushed me into a lake knowing I can't swim so you, Dwalin and Frerin could laugh."

"We were kids," defended Thorin. "It was ages ago. And I did pull you out before anything happened to you."

"I almost drowned!"

"Almost. Yes, you _almost_ drowned. But you didn't, I saved you. Can you please get over it, we have a dinner to attend to. If we don't join them soon they'll wonder what we're doing."

"What would we be doing-? Oh," said Bilbo when he realized what Thorin meant. "Even when they think that they'll know the truth very soon. Come on, let's go, I want to go home."

Bilbo went to the door but Thorin caught his arm. "Please," he said, "please help me."

"No."

"I'll do whatever you want, just please help me."

"I begged you to help me once but you just laughed. Now it's my turn to do the same."

"I'm sorry, I told you I was sorry. Just don't do this. You'll break my mother's heart if you tell her the truth. She'll be so disappointed."

"I think you broke your mother's heart when you decided to lie to her," said Bilbo before pulling his arm out of Thorin's hold and opening the doors.

Thorin sighed in defeat before he followed him. This was going to be a disaster. Frerin would laugh, his father would be angry, but what worried him the most was the fact that his mother would be so disappointed. He really shouldn't have lied. Now he'd learned, hopefully for good.

Bilbo entered the dining room with Thorin following close behind.

"We started without you," said Freya. "You two were in there for quite some time, I hope you don't mind." She watched as Thorin stopped in front of the table next to Bilbo so that everyone could see him. "Aren't you going to join us?"

"Thorin has to tell you something," said Bilbo and everyone turned to Thorin who felt like a little school boy who is about to be scolded. His and Bilbo's parents were watching them with so much expectation in their eyes, probably waiting for some good news. He hated to disappoint them by telling them the truth. The whole dinner would be ruined and everyone would be in a bad mood except Frerin who was already sporting a wolfish grin, having a very good idea what was about to happen.

Bilbo could see how happy his mother was, hoping to receive the announcement from Thorin that he and her son were together. He looked around the table only to see that everyone was expecting the same. He couldn't help but feel bad about ruining this beautiful evening just because Thorin had lied. He could pretend they were a couple for a few hours, couldn't he? He wouldn't be doing Thorin a favor. No, he was just making sure everyone enjoyed this evening.

"Mother, father, Mr. and Mrs. Baggins," started Thorin, "what I came here to tell you is that…" Thorin trailed off when he felt Bilbo smaller fingers intertwine though his. He looked down at the younger man, now holding his hand who offered him a smile and an encouraging squeeze of his hand before looking back at their parents.

Before Thorin had a chance to speak Bilbo explained everything. "What Thorin wanted to tell you is that I asked him to keep us a secret. We wanted to give this relationship a chance before everyone knew about it. And we are sorry for lying to you," he quickly added.

Frerin dropped his spoon in his soup in surprise, but no one even noticed him. Everyone was too busy congratulating Bilbo and Thorin and being very happy about their new-found love for each other, knowing that they didn't get along very well when they were children.

The dinner was over without embarrassing questions about their relationship and luckily without the questions about the future. Thorin and Bilbo ignored each other as much as possible, not interacting with each other more than was necessary. Luckily no one noticed.

After dessert and a couple of glasses of good wine it was time to say goodbye. The final act of the night, the last few moments Bilbo and Thorin had to pretend to like each other before all of this would be over. They said their goodbyes when Thorin took Bilbo's hand and led him away from the group who was standing next to the car. They were far away so no one could hear them, but close enough so that everyone could still see them. Their mothers were sighing with happiness after seeing their children happily together.

"What are you doing?" hissed Bilbo when Thorin took him out of their parent's earshot and then wrapped his hands around his waist.

"Playing the part," he quickly explained.

"They believed us the whole evening without you touching me, a simple handshake or a hug-"

Bilbo was interrupted when Thorin suddenly closed the distance between them and kissed him.

"Mmmfff," Bilbo rested his hands on Thorin's shoulders and pushed him away without looking suspicious. "What are you doing?" he demanded.

"Playing the part," Thorin repeated.

"I wanted to say a hug would have sufficed."

"I wanted to make things believable."

Bilbo looked at his parents. "They believe us, don't worry."

"Thank you," said Thorin quietly and Bilbo looked at him in surprise. "Thank you for helping me, or better said, saving me tonight. I owe you. So if you need anything, anything I can help you with just give me a call."

"Not seeing you ever again-"

Bilbo was once again interrupted when Thorin decided to silence him with another kiss. Bilbo wanted to push him away, he really did, but he rather decided to enjoy it and completely surrendered, allowing Thorin to devour him.

When they pulled back they were both breathing deeply and Bilbo knew he was blushing. He didn't intend to enjoy the kiss as much as he did, so instead of making a complete fool of himself he pressed his finger on Thorin's lips before giving him a piece of his mind.

"The next time I see you and there won't be anyone watching I'm going to slap you so hard you won't even think about doing this again. Do we understand each other," Bilbo smiled for show, knowing that everyone was watching.

"Absolutely," Thorin smiled back before stealing another kiss just to make Bilbo angry.

He then wrapped an arm around Bilbo's waist and led him back to the car. He waited until Bilbo said his goodbye to everyone before closing the doors after him and watching the car disappear into the distance.

Bilbo was sitting in the back of the car as his parents enjoyed the ride back home. He pressed a finger to his lips, remembering how good it felt when Thorin kissed him. Did that really happen? Did Thorin really kiss him? And while he said he never wanted to see him again, did he just promise Thorin to see him again?


	2. New Worlds Dawn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sun Tzu said: Whoever is first in the field and awaits the coming of the enemy, will be fresh for the fight; whoever is second in the field and has to hasten to battle will arrive exhausted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All mistakes are mine.

Bilbo was having pleasant dreams, but when he opened his eyes it turned out to be a nightmare. For some reason someone was knocking on his window. Quite persistently as a matter of fact. He wanted to lay in for a couple of minutes, or hours, he was in no hurry to get anywhere. But the knocking on the window just didn’t stop! And when he opened his eyes, he saw his worst nightmare.

Thorin was standing there where the sunlight was supposed to come into his room. _That_ is a way to start a day. When the sun rises and the first light warms your room through the window. Not the annoying knocking. Which Bilbo was getting really tired of. He pulled the covers back and hopped out of the bed prepared to give Thorin a piece of his mind for waking him up so early. It was 6:53 on the clock. What was he even doing here?

Thorin smiled with success as Bilbo gout up from the bed and approached the window. He motioned to him to open it and Bilbo did exactly that.

“What are you doing- No, no, no- Get out!” Before Bilbo even had a chance to protest Thorin pushed the window open all the way and ungracefully climbed in not giving Bilbo a chance to stop him or to close the window before doing so. He tumbled onto the floor before quickly getting up, closing the window and gesturing the Bilbo to be quiet.

“What the hell are you doing here,” Bilbo hissed at him quietly.

“I’ll explain everything later,” said Thorin and kicked off his shoes.

Bilbo’s eyes widened when he saw what Thorin was doing. He was so shocked when Thorin took off his jacket and then unbuttoned his shirt, he couldn’t even complain. Luckily Thorin was wearing a t-shirt underneath. A shirt that was too tight over his muscular chest. _Not fair,_ Bilbo cursed in his mind.

“No, no, no!” Hissed Bilbo when Thorin took his shirt off and threw it on the bed. “Are you crazy? What are you doing?”

“You need to help me,” Thorin said as he ruffled his hair. “Does it look good?”

“What?”

“Does it look like I slept here?” Thorin quickly repeated the question before pulling the covers back on Bilbo’s bed so that it looked like two people slept in it.

“What? No! Absolutely no!” Protested Bilbo and Thorin once again ruffled his hair to make it more realistic. “You will not sleep here!”

“Can’t we just pretend that I did?”

“Absolutely not! What were you thinking? Coming- Climbing! Into my room so early in the morning.”

“I said I needed your help,” Thorin quickly explained as he moved to the doors to listen if anyone was coming, Bilbo followed close behind.

“You’re not getting it!”

“I’ll pay you back.”

Bilbo quieted for a moment, but just a moment. “How?”

“By kissing you,” smirked Thorin before pressing his ear back to the door.

“Argh!” groaned Bilbo and slapped his arm. “Get out!”

“In a minute,” promised Thorin and avoided Bilbo’s slap at the last moment.

“W-what?” Bilbo asked when suddenly the doorbell rang.

Thorin shrugged. “I guess this was less than a minute.”

“What’s going on?” Bilbo asked, not really knowing what was happening.

“Just play along,” Thorin instructed him when Bilbo’s mother called him.

A few seconds later there was a knock on the door. “Bilbo?”

Thorin sent a quick look to Bilbo before shaking his head and lazily opening the door.

“Oh,” gasped Belladonna surprised to see Thorin there in his t-shirt, looking completely disheveled. “I didn’t expect to see you here.”

Thorin faked a yawn as he rubbed his eyes, acting like he just woke up. “It just… happened,” Thorin offered and Belladonna smiled.

“Well, apparently your parents knew,” she informed him. “I’m not sure if it’s proper-“

“It’s fine,” assured her Thorin.

“Well, they are waiting for you in the living room,” she told him. “And if you could please tell my son to come as well. It’s rude to leave guests waiting.”

“I’m sure they don’t…” Thorin trailed off when Belladonna sent him a look. “We’ll be there shortly,” he promised her, before she nodded and left.

The moment he closed the doors Thorin saw that Bilbo wanted to protest so he quickly covered his mouth with his hand to shush him. He let him go when he was sure that Belladonna couldn’t hear them anymore.

“Are you crazy? What are you playing? Why are your parents here?”

“Quickly, we don’t have much time before they get suspicious.”

“Suspicious of what? You just came here!”

“That’s not what my parents think,” informed him Thorin as he tried to get his hair back in order.

“Then what do they think?” The look Thorin sent him answered all of his questions. “Oh… Again? What were you thinking?!” yelled Bilbo at him as he chased him around the room trying to slap him. Thorin couldn’t help but to laugh. Bilbo was absolutely adorable when he was angry. Which was wrong. Bilbo wasn’t supposed to be adorable. Who even uses that word? Teenagers in love. Something they weren't.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Thorin apologized as he caught both of Bilbo’s hands and prevented him to hit him again.

“You lied! Again! And you dragged me into it! Again!”

“I just wanted to make things believable. You have no idea how happy my parents were after you left yesterday-“

“Yours too?”

“Especially my mother,” Thorin confirmed.

“So what are you doing here?”

Thorin knew he had to tell Bilbo the truth, otherwise the younger man will refuse to help him. “Me and Dwalin went to celebrate last night. We got a few drinks, spend the night partying… And then in the morning my parents realized I wasn’t at home and they called me and I just… I don’t know…panicked? And then told them I was staying at your place.”

“Why would you be staying at my place?”

Thorin sent him a look. “I don’t know. Maybe because I didn’t see you for some time and I wanted to spend some _quality_ time with you.”

“We agreed to break up. We agreed it was one night, no, one dinner thing. And now everyone thinks you and I slept together.”

Thorin cocked his head to one side and nodded. “Pretty much, yeah.”

“You idiot! What were you thinking?” yelled Bilbo as he hit Thorin once again.

“If you could just keep it down a bit,” tried Thorin as he backed away from the furious younger man. “They’ll hear us.”

Bilbo pointed a finger at Thorin’s chest. “This is the last time! After this we’re breaking up.”

“Fine with me,” said Thorin quickly before Bilbo could add anything else. He quickly took his hand and dragged him out of his room only to realize he had absolutely no idea where to go.

“You really are a genius,” Bilbo told him before pulling his hand out of Thorin’s hold and leading them to the living room where their parents were waiting.

Thorin’s mother's eyes lit up the moment she saw them enter the living room together while Thráin watched them with a suspicious glare.

“Nothing happened,” told him Thorin as he lifted his hands in surrender and sat down next to Bilbo on the sofa.

“I certainly hope so,” said Bungo.

“Bilbo, you could have at least get dressed in something proper,” scolded Belladonna and Bilbo rolled his eyes.

“I just woke up. And you then barged into my room to tell me to come immediately,” answered Bilbo back not trying to hide how annoyed he was with everything. “I didn’t exactly have time to change.”

“There’s no need to worry about proper,” interrupted Freya before Belladonna could continue to scold her son. “Boys will be boys and children never do what we expect them to.” Thorin scoffed at that. _Children,_ at twenty-seven he wouldn’t call himself a child, but his mother liked to forget that he was a grown man. “Besides, Thorin isn’t looking any better,” she added and then looked down to Thorin’s sock that had a big hole in it.

“Why are you here, mum?”

“To invite Bilbo to go hunting with us.”

“What?!” both Bilbo and Thorin exclaimed at the same time.

“You can’t be serious,” Thorin told her. “He doesn’t hunt.”

“He’s right,” Bilbo agreed. “I don’t hunt. I get all my meat at the supermarket already dead and cooled down to four degrees Celsius.”

“Bilbo!”

“What?” said Bilbo. “You know that’s true.”

“He can’t hunt,” Thorin told his mother before looking at his father with pleading eyes, hoping to support him and stop this madness. “He can’t even hold a rifle.”

“Hey,” protested Bilbo. “Show some respect.”

“You would kill someone before hitting a target in the open! You would be deadly dangerous in the forest. Please be reasonable,” Thorin said to his mother. “He can’t come! He’ll be a danger to us all. He never held a rifle in his life. How can you expect him to come hunting with us.”

“He’s your intended-“

“Woah, no! Stop the horses! That’s why I didn’t want to say anything in the first place,” interrupted her Thorin. “My intended? No, out of the question. We’re not getting married.”

“We’re not,” confirmed Bilbo.

“Fine, boyfriend then,” said Thráin. “I still believe he should spend some time with us so we can get to know him better.”

“Why would you need to know him any better? We could be breaking up next week?”

“Are you going to?” asked Thráin and Thorin knew he suspected something.

“Of course not-“

“Then you won’t mind him coming with us and getting to know him better. If you’re in a relationship with him I think it’s at least proper that we get to know him.”

“You already know him,” pointed out Thorin. “We were childhood friends.”

“Yes, but that was ages ago,” said Freya. “I know you two would rather spend the day together just the two of you, but I think that if Bilbo’s spends the day with us he’ll feel more relaxed around us. After all, he is almost a part of the family.”

Thorin just stared at her not knowing what to say.

“It’s decided then,” said Thráin. “Bilbo will spend the day with us.”

“I don’t think this is such a good idea,” said Bilbo. “I mean, Thorin is right, I could hurt someone or put you in danger. It’s better if I stay here. Safer too.”

“Son, it’s rude to refuse an invitation like this,” told him Bungo.

Bilbo looked at his father and then at Thráin. He knew this wasn’t going to end well.

“It’s decided then. Bilbo will spend the day with us and tomorrow Thorin can spend the day with you. That way everyone will be happy.”

:::

Dís and Frerin were having the time of their life watching Bilbo trying to follow them through the forest. It rained a few days ago and the fallen leaves were slippery, plus they weren’t exactly walking on a path so they had to avoid branches, bushes and three roots. To sum it up; for Bilbo this was a nightmare. He didn’t have proper footwear so he slipped several times, he was cold and wet and the most important thing – he never agreed to this.

Apparently the Durins were born hunters if the two rabbits Dís was carrying were any indication. She may be young but her hearing was excellent and her aim was perfect. Thráin was obviously hoping to catch something bigger, but with the all the noise Bilbo was making, he probably scared all the animals in a two mile radius away.

Bilbo was happy he wasn’t given a rifle, walking alone was difficult. Thorin hasn’t spoken a word to him. Actually no one did except Freya, who tried her best to make him feel welcome. She talked with him and explained that the kids and her husband took hunting seriously, though to Bilbo it looked like a game. The one who gets to kill a bigger animal wins. So far Dís was in the lead with her two rabbits.

“Brother,” said Frerin and Thorin jumped with surprise not expecting him.

“What do you want?” asked Thorin as he looked around hoping to spot something he could shoot. Though if Frerin continued to be annoying he won’t have to look anymore.

“Your boyfriend there,” they both turned toward Bilbo, who was once again caught in the lower branches. “He looks absolutely miserable. How about you give him a hand?” Frerin suggested with a friendly pat on the back.

“Yeah brother,” Dís interrupted. “It’s painful to watch him. And mom and dad are starting to look suspicious since you haven’t spoken a word to him.”

“Good idea sis,” smiled Frerin. “We should split up. Mom and dad go together with Dwalin, me and little sis go together and you go with your intended.”

Thorin fixed him with a glare. “Don’t call him that.”

“Okay. What other pet name should I use for him then?” teased Frerin.

“His name is Bilbo!”

“So it’s not Honey or Sweetheart?”

“I’m going to kill you,” Thorin threatened before Dís and Frerin finally left him alone laughing.

He looked once again back to Bilbo, who finally managed to set himself free and was able to follow them again while muttering, Thorin guessed, curses in a language he didn’t understand.

“Listen up everyone,” Thráin called. “Frerin suggested we should split up and that’s what we’re going to do. We’ll be going in pairs, you know this terrain but if anything happens call for help. We meet in two hours back at the house. The one who brings the biggest deer wins.”

Frerin and Dís were off immediately, followed shortly by Thráin and Freya, so Thorin was stuck with Bilbo, who still had to catch up with him.

“Where did everyone go?” Bilbo asked breathlessly when he finally reached Thorin.

“We decided to split up and I got stuck with you. I’m never going to win,” said Thorin to no one.

“Well, I’m sorry I’m such a burden to you, but I never asked you for any of this. This is all your fault!” accused Bilbo before he stormed away.

“Where are you going?” called Thorin after him. “You don’t even know where you are.”

“I’m going home! Don’t worry about me. I’ll find a way!”

Thorin sighed as he watched Bilbo stalk away. The idiot was going to get lost or even worse, killed. And Thorin would hate to explain everything to Bilbo’s parents. “You’ll get lost!”

“I don’t care!” called Bilbo back. He made a few more steps before his foot got caught in the tree root and he fell. “Ouch!” His ankle hurt when he tried to move it.

“Shit,” cursed Thorin when he saw Bilbo fall. He didn’t even think about anything, he just ran to him to help him. “Are you okay? Are you hurt?” Thorin asked as he helped Bilbo sit back up. He took Bilbo’s hands in his and checked for any damage before meeting Bilbo’s eyes.

“My ankle really hurts,” Bilbo complained. “I think I broke it.”

“Can I have a look?” Thorin asked and Bilbo nodded in agreement. Thorin sat down next to Bilbo and took his leg in his lap and carefully pulled Bilbo shoe off but the younger man winced in pain. “I’m going to see if it’s broken.” He gently moved Bilbo’s foot to assess the damage. “Good news, it’s just a sprain. Nothing’s broken. You should put an ice-pack on when we get back. Can you walk?” He helped Bilbo on his feet, but the younger man winced every time he put some pressure on his foot.

“It hurts too much.”

“Then I’ll just have to carry you.”

“What? No, you can’t do that.”

“Then what do you suggest we do since you can’t walk?” asked Thorin.

“I don’t know…”

“You don’t have much of a choice. Either you let me carry you or you can stay here.”

Bilbo looked at Thorin disbelievingly. As if he would leave him here alone. “Fine. But you’re taking me back to my house.”

Thorin agreed. Bilbo wrapped an arm around Thorin’s neck and allowed him to lift him up bridal style. “You’re heavier than I thought,” teased Thorin.

“Oh, shut up!”

:::

Belladonna rushed to the doors the moment she heard them enter. “What happened!?”

“My foot got stuck and I fell,” Bilbo explained as Thorin took him to his room and his mother followed them.

“He’ll be fine,” assured her Thorin as he put Bilbo down on his bed.

“Is there anything I should bring?”

“An ice-pack, that’s all,” told her Thorin.

She returned a couple of minutes later with the ice wrapped in a towel and handed it to Thorin.

“I can take care of it, thank you.”

She smiled at him. “I’ll leave you two alone,” she said to them and closed the doors after she left.

“Thank you,” said Bilbo just above the whisper when they were finally left alone.

“I didn’t quite catch that. Can you repeat please?”

“Thank you,” said Bilbo louder this time knowing that Thorin was only teasing him.

“You’re welcome.” He placed the ice on Bilbo’s slightly swollen ankle before joining him on the bed.

“You don’t have to stay here. I can manage.”

“I don’t mind,” assured him Thorin before reaching for the controller and turning the TV on. “Besides, if I go back the teasing will never end.”

“I knew it,” smiled Bilbo. “I knew you were doing this for yourself. I just knew it.”

“It looks like you read me like an open book, Bilbo Baggins.”

“It looks like I do, Thorin Durin,” smiled Bilbo before stealing the remote and changing the channel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all your lovely comments!


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